I spread my legs
Open
And let you come inside
But not all the way

I swerve
Because I am afraid
That you will feel the lump my doubt
My boredom like a tumor
Growing on the left thigh

I am afraid that if you press hard enough
It will burst open
And leak onto your hands

Then you will know

I do not love you
And I do things for no reason
And throw me away

Which I am compelled
To not want.

The same way that I am compelled
To kiss your lips And your sides

Look deeply into your eyes
Leave fingerprints on your bed frame
Reduce you to shame

To leave a bitter taste
In your mouth

To throw tantrums
When you walk away

Call you ten times a day

And say nothing

Not because I love you
Not because I am afraid
To be by myself

Simply because
I am compelled

Like I am to go out
When I have to study
To buy someone I don’t like
An expensive gift

If only you knew
There is no reason

I think you would kill me

And I would die
Because I was compelled

Not to have to come up with reasons
For why I do things
Anymore